I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just gargled with NyQuil
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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