I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
