and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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