We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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