Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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