..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
