im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
