Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
