I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
