If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
