i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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