Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
