just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
