So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
