no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
