We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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