Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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