The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
