yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
