You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
