There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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