just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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