If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
