don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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