Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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