I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
