all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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