I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize