based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm passing your future prison.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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