So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
