even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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