Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
