good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
