I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
