A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
