I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
