i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
