He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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