The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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