she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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