Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
