Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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