watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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