i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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