Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize