called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
