You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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