so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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