At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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