Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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