Say something about gay babies.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
