Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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