and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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