I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
