I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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