i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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