I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
