Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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