Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
