Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
