You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize