You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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